I have no control.

One thing I must realize:  I have no control.  I cannot control who is mad at me or who decides to stop talking to me for whatever reason.  Whatever the reason is, it must have not been that important to discuss to resolve.  I cannot change that.  I cannot change the fact that my mom had to die.  I researched and made calls and did everything that I could. . . but I had no control on what happened.  This is even more reason to enjoy everyday.  "Every moment counts."  I could not control what happened in her body even though I feel that the doctors were neglectful at some times because she did not have health insurance.  I feel like they just gave her the bare minimum and had no problem sending her home to hospice.  I feel like no one of medical importance wanted to to help us.  I cannot let myself "go there" because it will make me very angry, so I can only touch upon it.