It is times like right now where I need this blog

I start freaking out sometimes like I am now.  My heart feels heavy and I feel like screaming.  My husband is here, but I feel alone.  I'm just feeling heavy-like, and I am feeling very anxious.  Usually when I feel like this, tears are to follow in just a few moments.  I don't like feeling this way.  It is not controllable.  I want to control it, but I can't.  My back hurts and I feel like I need to get out of here.  There isn't anything anyone can do.  It is a very helpless feeling.  If there was someone or something that could help me, I would seek it out.  Unfortunately, there isn't really anything tangible that is going to help me.  My throat feels all lumpy, and it is hard to swallow.  It is a similar feeling to when you feel homesick like when you were a little kid and you were staying at a friend's house for the first few times, and you became sad because you wanted to go home.  I remember going to my friends' houses when I was in elementary school and I didn't ever want to spend the night because I always missed my parents.  It wasn't until 8th grade where I actually wanted to leave and sleep somewhere else.  It is times like these where there literally is a montage of memories just flashing in my brain.  My stomach/ gut feels heavy and empty.  If you talk to someone every single day for 33 years, how are you supposed to never speak to them again?  People tell me to talk to her anyway, I can't do that--she isn't here to talk back.  I don't know what I'm supposed to do when I feel this way.  I guess I'll just sit here until it passes. . . . like a kidney stone or nausea.