No make up?

After all that, I ended up getting my life back.  I returned home to my husband.  I hung out with Joe.  I spent time with Sarah and Stephanie.  I rescheduled my Oregon trip.  I went back to work.  I visited my dad.  But still, what now?  

My little mom.  I started calling her that because she became so little.  She lost any muscle mass she had and she looked teeny tiny.  When I think back to when I was a little kid, she was tall, poofy haired, always running around, and make up.  Always a lot of make up.  She would say that she wore make up all the time because she was not pretty.  I think she just liked to put it on and I think she liked the colors.  I knew that when my mom stopped putting on her makeup every day, that it was not a good sign.  She said she felt so horrible that she just wasn't going to wear it.  That is when I knew something wasn't right.  I offered to dye her hair for her and she said that she didn't want to dye her hair until the cancer was gone.    After saying this, she stood up and limped over to the bathroom.  She did her business, and then came out, limping, and the faucet running.  She told me that she couldn't turn off the water. She would reach for it, but she couldn't turn it off.  Later that night, I received a text from Bob saying that he was taking her to the hospital because she fell.  The next morning, early at around 5:30, Bob called me and said that there were edemas in the brain.  I was confused, "What is that?"  "Cancer."

When I'm driving in my car, I cannot help but to have flashbacks of events or feelings.  It can get overwhelming, and I will burst into tears without warning.  I can control the crying when I'm around people, but it's getting harder and harder to control.  I ask of you friends and family to please not be mad at me if I cry.  I know it's awkward.  I know it is weird.  But, please don't be mad.  I'm trying to get it out of me.  I can't hold it in all the time.